Share your Crap Tuesday

Well, It's another Tuesday so at Absolute Writes YA forum they ask you to share some of your stuff.

This is set after Mirka and Everett got together romantically. Jula, Mirka's sister, walked into the sandy wasteland of post-apocalyptic northern Florida allowing Everett and Mirka time to make out. But Jula gets caught in the rain and it's only a matter of time until she goes violently insane.

Everett walked out into the rain, which is sure death except he injects himself with dog blood, as dogs are immune to the rain, and he believes he just might be immune. Jula is mad at him because she thinks he has abandoned her sister by both of them dying.

Everett has injected Jula with as much of Iris's blood as he thinks Iris can take, then slits his wrist and had Jula drink his blood. She thinks he's crazy, but does it for Mirka.

Everett: 17 yr old male romantically with Mirka
Mirka: 17 yr old female
Jula: 14 yr old female, approves of Ev and Mirka's couplehood despite being a third wheel.
Iris: 1 1/2 yr old mixed breed dog that Everett loves dearly.
Everett's sister: Died nearly a year ago in a car crash that was Everett's fault.

Edited to add: Oh, they're at a firehouse in Mariana, FL.

Note: Totally totally rough draft.

She began sucking his blood faster. Everett looked down and saw she was glaring up at him. She was angry. If she was right, Everett had abandoned her sister. It was a mistake on Jula's part, but Everett had chosen.

She sucked harder. Everett started understanding. She wasn't trying to live by drinking his blood faster. She was trying to hurt him.

He felt dizzy. As he fell forward, he thought he saw Jula smile.

Everything went black.

#

He heard large birds fighting. Emus maybe. Iris barked at them but the squawks didn't change. Then he heard Mirka crying.

He opened his eyes. It was so bright.

The back of Jula's shirt had a V of blood from her ripping at the flesh on the back of her neck. Blood dripped from her arms as she screamed at Mirka.

Mirka held the 45 in front of her. Jula advanced on her regardless. A circular path of blood in the sand showed Mirka and Jula had been at it for some time.

Everett rotated the F2000 from his back and put the scope to his eye.

Jula screamed, "And you leave me for him! And you leave me for him! He'll want to feed me to his dog! He hates me! He steals you from me, just like the bikes! Oh, he got the bikes. Chop! Chop! Chop!"

Everett saw Mirka look at him. Her face was a red and wet with tears. She mouthed, "I can't do it."

"He chopped the bikes and he'll chop you! Food for the dog! I'm food for the dog and you're food for..."

Everett couldn't hear the words anymore despite her screaming them. He needed to shoot soon before he passed out. He fired.

A cone of blood erupted from Jula's head. She fell forward toward Mirka.

The brightness faded to black.

#

"OK, drink it."

Something was happening.

"It's water. C'mon. You need water. C'mon, c'mon."

It was a girl's voice. Everett choked on something. It was the girl's water.

He tried to open his eyes but couldn't.

"Everett, in a few hours I'm going to slap the hell out of you if you haven't woken up. OK? It's a deal then."

#

He could feel it. Something was happening. It was like fire. It hurt.

"Wake up, you son of a bitch! You can't do this to me! I need you! You can't die on me!"

A spike of pain.

"You can't!"

Another, somehow different.

"Can't die!"

He heard what might have been a machine, or birds, or crying. He didn't know. It all faded.

#

Iris was licking his face. He knew it was Iris. He wanted to move his hand to touch her fur or turn his head and kiss her on the nose.

Everett tried to open his eyes to see her.

He wanted to grab her and shake her and bite her hears.

It all faded.

#

"OK, baby. More water and then I'm moving you. It's going to rain soon. But I don't think that matters to you, Rainwalker."

It was the girl. He heard the words but couldn't remember them long enough for it to make sense. He tried to open his eyes but couldn't.

"OK, here it is."

He choked.

"See, I think that's good. When it goes down wrong you try to fix it. That's good." She cried.

He recognized the crying.

More choking. There was pulling on him. He had never been pulled.

#

Brightness. The girl was pulling his eyes.

"Are you in there? Good morning. You peed yourself last night so I'll clean that up. I'm going to try to feed you today and..."

#

He heard the crying. "It's water time."

He wanted to help her. He tried to open his eyes, or move. Maybe he could drink correctly. He never helped with that.

He felt the cup come to his lips. He choked.

#

"OK, put your hand here. That's Iris. That's your dog, Iris. She loves you and I love you. Can you hear me."

He heard the words but didn't understand. Dog's got eaten. Everyone wanted to eat his dog. His dog. He had a dog.

He knew who the girl was. It was his sister. His sister was alive. He fought to wake up.

#

"You're on your side. If you need to pee go ahead and do it. I'm going to go ahead and push on your real hard."

He felt pressure.

"Hey, good, good. Whoo, you needed to go. Ah, I should have planned this better. I'm going to let you sleep with a little pee on you tonight. I can't waste water cleaning. Maybe I should just put you in the rain."

#

"I'm sorry this is so spicy. I'm saving most of the bland, or at least not spicy, all the bland protein for Iris."

Spicy hot. Caliente. That's what they call it.

He choked. He couldn't stop coughing.

"Oh, baby, baby. I'm sorry. I'll mix it with water. I'll wash off the spices. That was a bad idea. I'll be right back."

#

Brightness.

Bright blue over bright tan. Bright blue sky over bright tan sand. He looked at it and didn't blink. He closed his eyes again.

"Thank you, sweet sweet Iris."

He opened his eyes and looked at the shadows of Mirka and Iris. They weren't shadows. They were silhouettes.

Mirka stopped and held out an arm. "Two cee-cees for me." She injected herself with Iris's blood. "And Two cee-cees for your master."

He tried to say, "I'm not her master." He didn't think it came out. Mirka started walking toward him. "She's my friend."

Mirka jerked upright. "Everett? Did you talk? You say something?" She swooped down on him. Her face loomed in his vision.

"I'm not her master. I'm her friend."

Mirka shook him and laughed and then cried. "Oh, Everett. Oh, Everett." She held him.

He concentrated and put his arm over her chest. Iris licked his face. "You're just after those spicy things." he told her.

Mirka sat up. "That was two days ago." She stroked his hair with her hand. "You've been asleep for six days."

I'm wondering if I should stretch out the coma days somehow. And, spoiler, the coma is the way the human body with dog antibodies is able to beat whatever is in the rain.

Critical Critter Overload

The writers group I belong to which is only for critiques just changed weeks. Yes, this is a different group than I mentioned before. The earlier one is Absolute Write. This is Critters.

The first time I submitted part of a manuscript, I had five people pick it up and review it. It was part of The Book of Gates. In the submission I identified it as the prologue and chapter one. That's a negative draw to me. I think my 'The X of Ys' title was a put off.

This time, my 'Lions vs Astronauts' joke of a short story had twenty-two reviewers. Most were favorable. One person just sent a one paragraph blurb saying he loved it. Most females didn't get it.

Here's the issue. I'm a nice guy. I believe in reciprocity. So, I keep a spreadsheet with all twenty-seven names for when they have their works up I'll review them. Until this last week's LvA additions, this wasn't a big deal. But this week I have four different ms to review, if I stick to my self made rule.

There's a fantasy short with 11k words, a 'horror' short at 2.1k, a SF at 8k, and a 4.5k fantasy. That's twenty-six thousand words of mid-to-Z-grade dreck. Oh, some of these are unreadable.

I think it really inspires me to slog through the passive-voice tales which tell rather than show their premise without plot. The worst I ever read was a Starship Troopers clone in flashback format...or was it flash forward? Important details were absent and doing the math on the giant bugs' weight you realized they were only four times heavier than air.

I'll see what I can do.

Blogroll Tuesday?

I've become active in an online writers support forum. Wow, that sounds like such a confession. In any case, in the young adult area they have Blogroll Tuesday where you post part of your work in progress on your blog and link to it.

And, no, I'm not skulking amongst teens. I'm skulking amongst adults, writing a post-apocalyptic teen romance . My first book could never sell. This was designed to maybe sell.

Backstory:

• Everett is a 17 year old who has survived two years in a world with no plants or animals.
• Raging is caused if you are touched by the rain. You will rip yourself apart and attack anyone nearby.
• Iris is a dog, Everett's only family.

From yesterday's [rough draft] writing:

Between Turrell and Gilmore, at a convoluted exit ramp system, a man stood in the path of Everett's truck, waving his arms.

Everett, still traveling only thirty miles per hour, stared at the man not knowing what to do. The man was clearly yelling at him, but showed no signs of raging.

Everett changed lanes to avoid him. The man moved over. Everett started changing back. The man shuffled back into the other lane, all along shouting and waving.

Scooting over in his seat, Everett took the pistol from its cubby in the dash. He stuck it outside the open window and aimed it in the man's general direction.

Everett moved to the side the man wasn't in. The man stayed put but still shouted and waved.

As the truck passed, Everett heard the man yell, "Help! Stop! I'm alone! If you..."

In his rearview mirror, Everett watched the man cover his face with both hands and shake.

Glancing at Iris who stared at him, Everett said, "He would have killed us. He was probably part of a group or something. Ambush, ya know." He nodded, trying to convince himself.

ACE Hardware FTW

So, your post-apocalyptic postal LLV has fallen off a broken bridge on the south end of Upper Matecumbe Key in the Florida Keys. You need to get to Key West despite all the islands between your present location and Ohio Key are washed out. That's 41 miles of swimming, walking on sand bars, or magically ascending to the remaining bridges.

Considering the journey has swims of up to seven miles, my guys needed some floatation device. So, I asked in the sci-fi forum at Absolute Write. I let them know that all vegitation and 99% of all animals died two years ago. My first response was "Lumber."

Lumber? To prove him wrong I searched the area in Google Maps for lumber, and wouldn't you know. They passed an ACE Hardware less than a mile from their crash site. Though, of course, all lumber and useful supplies will be gone.

One main character says the foam sheets they put on buildings when they're being built would have been perfect. Female MC asks what it's used for. Male then says, "I guess to keep the rain out." She says, "So they take it off before they put the rest on?" Since the answer is no, they bust through the wall and get some kickboards out of it.

They also need a bucket to catch rain in. They'll take a paint can and pour out the paint.

Map of rediculous Florida Key journey is here:

View Rainwalkers in a larger map
There are no labels on the walking icons, but they denote where existing bridges start and stop.